Don't be Ridiculous

In the beginning I had days where I wondered why I was here. I was confident there was a reason that God brought me here to this specific place, but I just couldn’t quite understand why. Before you think or say, “Don’t be ridiculous, he sent you there to tell people about him. DUH.” Let me explain. I know that’s why God would send me anywhere I go, whether it’s to another continent or to a building down the street. I just kept thinking, “Why this country? What is it about it? I wanted to go to Africa and you wouldn’t have me go there? I’m okay with this, I just don’t understand it. What am I doing here in this urban village rainforest jungle place with 15 million people?”

And then I would remember what I affectionately refer to as “the red dot map” which shows the concentration of lostness in the world, with a little red dot for areas where like 99% of the population are nonbelievers and feel really guilty because the nation where I currently reside is completely in the red (no pun intended). But I kept thinking there had to be more to it than that, surely. God didn’t send me here out of guilt for some map.

This city can be a tiring place to live. I don't say this as a complaint. I will sidetrack and give you a humorous and light hearted example. Remember that book I referred to that I was searching for a few posts ago? It's "Teach Yourself Hindi." (I can't underline here or I would. Grammar snobs, don't judge. I know to underline book titles). Anyway, we have looked through every book store we know and then some, and come across such titles as "Learn Hindi Yourself" (so close but just not right). Well, today I found the book in the very bookstore I was in on May 5. I went in doubtful and couldn't believe all the resources for Spanish, French, German, Italian, Dutch, and Russian (?!) but then, right in front of my eyes, two copies of this book. I couldn't believe it! God's divine providence! I was searching for two copies! In Asia, locating this took approximately 18+ days as I was searching for it before I mentioned it in the blog world. In America, I could have practically snapped my fingers and had this book. Everything (the culture, the weather, the people, the traffic) is extreme here, different than anything and everything I knew before this. If you think of anything and have the thought, “That has to be the same or similar in America,” you let me know and I’ll (laugh and then) let you know the differences. So while I wasn’t unhappy, I just kept struggling with this idea of why I’m here in this specific location. I can see God's hand in everything up to this and I trust him. I don’t want to merely exist here and then leave when my time is up.

Then I left the city and went to a village. It was serene and beautiful and green and all sorts of other lovely adjectives, without a piece of trash in site, and full of gentle, kind people who weren’t hurried and pushy and who lacked the hard edginess of people in the city. And God gently, but clearly, let me know this is why he brought me here.